The Space Between: Finding Freedom in Our Responses and How Trauma Therapy can Guide Communication
There is a moment—brief, but powerful—that exists between what happens to us and how we respond. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, described this space with wisdom that resonates across time:
"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
This space may be imperceptible at first, buried under years of habit, conditioning, or survival instincts. But it is always there. And within it, we find our greatest power—the power to choose. Trauma therapy can help us uncover the habits that keep us stuck.
The Power of the Pause
Much of life feels automatic. Someone cuts us off in traffic, and anger flares. A harsh word from a loved one, and we snap back. A stressful day, and we reach for something to numb the discomfort. These responses may feel inevitable, but they are not. They are patterns. And patterns can be changed.
What if we learned to pause in that space? What if, instead of reacting, we took a breath and observed?
This is the foundation of mindfulness—the ability to witness our thoughts, emotions, and sensations without being consumed by them. It’s the skill that allows us to shift from reaction to intention, from impulse to wisdom.
How Trauma Shrinks the Space
For those who have experienced trauma, that space can feel almost nonexistent. The nervous system, trained by past pain, learns to react quickly to perceived threats. A raised voice may trigger a fight-or-flight response. A sense of abandonment may lead to shutting down. These are survival responses, not conscious choices.
But even for those carrying deep wounds, the space still exists. It may take time, self-compassion, and healing work to find it—but it is there. Somatic therapy, mindfulness practices, and self-compassion techniques can all help widen that gap, allowing for new, healthier responses to emerge.
For Teens
When life feels like it’s reacting at you — a friend blows you off, a family fight explodes, you feel the weight of expectations — the space between what happens and how you respond is where real freedom kicks in. That’s the truth behind the idea of the “space between” stimulus and response.
If you’ve lived through bullying, deep loss, family instability, or any kind of trauma, then the patterns of reaction—anger, shutting down, avoidance—are not just “how you are,” they’re survival strategies. In trauma therapy, we learn how to recognize that space, how to pause, how to respond on purpose rather than just react.
Here are steps to tap into that space and reclaim your power:
Notice the trigger. Maybe it’s a text you didn’t get, an invitation you weren’t included in, or a conversation that went sideways. When you feel the heat of a reaction, that’s your cue.
Pause for a breath. Literally. Two slow belly-breaths create a tiny gap. In that gap you begin to choose. In trauma-informed teen counseling, this pause becomes a tool.
Ask: “What’s underneath this?” Anger might hide sadness or fear. Irritation might hide feeling unseen. When you dig a little, your response becomes more aligned with what you need—not just what’s reflexive.
Choose your response. Maybe it’s not sending the snarky text. Maybe it’s saying: “I felt left out—can we talk?” Maybe it’s stepping away, calling a friend, journaling. That’s the space.
Reach out when it’s dark. If the reflex is to withdraw, check out counseling. Teen-centered trauma therapy in Frisco gives you a safe place to learn these skills, practise responses, and deepen your resilience.
For Parents of Teens
As a parent of a teen, you’re navigating a world where communication can feel like walking on glass. The mis-readings, the trigger responses, the “did you ever hear me?” moments—it’s real, and it’s often rooted not just in “teen drama” but in deeper patterns of survival, attachment, and sometimes trauma. Understanding that gap—the space between what happens and how someone responds—can radically shift how you support your teen. If your teen is heading into trauma therapy or you’re exploring counseling for teens in Frisco, Texas, your role isn’t just parent-monitor—it’s co-navigator. Here’s how you can lean into that space:
Model pausing. When you feel anger, frustration, judgment, let your teen see you stop. Say something like: “I’m upset—give me two minutes.” That shows your teen the space exists and that responding with intention is possible.
Do the “What’s Underneath” check-in together. After a reaction—yours or theirs—ask: “What was beneath that emotion? What hurt? What scared you?” Helping them name deeper feelings invites better responses next time.
Introduce therapy as a response-strategy, not just a fix. Framing counseling for teens or trauma therapy in Frisco as a place to grow skills—like recognizing the space between stimulus and response—reduces stigma and builds agency.
Celebrate the pause-choice. When your teen pauses, breathes, chooses differently—even if it’s imperfect—acknowledge it. “I noticed you stepped away before answering that text. Good move.” These moments build new neural patterns.
Create family rituals around reflection. Maybe a weekly check-in: “What happened? How did you feel? What did you choose to do?” This embeds the concept of the space between into everyday life, not just therapy sessions.laiming Growth and Freedom
