Sitting with Your Feelings: A Path to Better Communication, and When Trauma Therapy Can Help
Have you ever noticed that if you sit with a feeling long enough—without judgment—it starts to shift?
When we experience emotions like anger, frustration, or resentment, there are often deeper feelings beneath them. In trauma therapy, we talk about primary and secondary emotions. Secondary emotions, like anger, are often the ones we express outwardly. But beneath that anger, there might be something more vulnerable—hurt, embarrassment, rejection, or sadness.
The challenge is that we tend to attach stories to our emotions. When someone upsets us, our minds might say:
They don’t care about me.
I’m not a priority to them.
This is unfair. This shouldn’t be happening.
These stories shape our reactions and can disrupt our sense of equilibrium. Instead of responding from a place of curiosity and openness, we react with judgment, criticism, or anger. And when we lead with anger, the other person often responds with defensiveness—putting up walls instead of working toward understanding.
But what happens when we pause and sit with our feelings?
Instead of reacting, we can tune in to the root emotion and communicate from that place. Consider these two ways of expressing the same frustration:
"You never consider my feelings. You only think about yourself!" (Likely to trigger defensiveness)
"I feel uncared for when my needs aren’t considered. I want to feel like I matter to you." (More likely to open a meaningful conversation)
When we speak from a place of vulnerability instehad of blame, people are more receptive. They hear us instead of feeling attacked.
So, the next time you're feeling overwhelmed by an emotion, try this:
Sit with it: Instead of reacting, pause and notice what’s underneath the surface.
Drop the judgment: Emotions aren’t good or bad—they just are.
Identify the core feeling: Is it rejection? Hurt? Fear?
Communicate from that place: Share your feelings in a way that invites understanding, not conflict.
Give yourself the care you’re seeking: Sometimes, the reassurance we crave from others is something we can give to ourselves.
For Teens: Learning to Sit with Your Feelings & Speak Your Truth
Hey—you might’ve noticed how reacting is often the automatic move: you feel annoyed, hurt, left out, and boom—you snap or shut down. What if instead you could sit with what you’re feeling, press pause, and then speak from a place of clarity? That’s what part of trauma therapy is about.
If you’re in or near Frisco, Texas, and considering counseling for teens, here are teen-friendly steps to lean into this process:
Pause and notice the feeling. When you feel upset, frustrated, or rejected, give yourself a moment. In trauma-informed work we call this stepping into the “space between” trigger and response.
Ask: What is this feeling? Under the big emotion (anger, irritation) might be a deeper one: hurt, shame, fear. Identifying the root makes your communication stronger.
Speak from the root, not the reaction. Instead of saying “You made me so mad!”, try: “I felt ignored just now, and it hurt because I wanted to matter.” That shift invites understanding rather than defensiveness.
Reach out when things feel heavy. If you’ve been in trauma therapy or are exploring counseling for teens in Frisco, know this: it’s okay to ask for help navigating what’s under the surface, especially when communication keeps failing.
When you make space for your feelings first, you create the foundation for genuine connection, healthier conversation, and self-honesty.
For Parents of Teens: Supporting Emotional Presence & Healthy Dialogue
As a parent of a teenager, you’ve probably watched how emotions spark quickly—reactions, arguments, shut-downs—and wondered how to help your child feel instead of just act. Especially if your teen has a history of trauma, or you’re exploring trauma therapy or counseling for teens in Frisco, Texas, your role in guiding them through emotional awareness and healthy communication becomes even more essential.
Here’s how you can support your teen (and model for them) the skill of sitting with feelings and then speaking from that space:
Model emotional presence. When you feel upset or triggered, let your teen see you pause, name the feeling, and choose your response. This shows them that emotions don’t have to control the conversation.
Teach them to name beneath the big feeling. After a reaction—yours or theirs—ask together: “What was really going on under the surface?” This cultivates deeper emotional intelligence and invites healthier conversation.
Frame therapy as an emotional tool, not a last resort. If you’re seeking counseling for teens or trauma therapy in Frisco, introduce it to your teen as a space for learning how to sit with feelings and communicate better—not just “fixing problems.”
Create rituals of check-in. A weekly or nightly “how are you feeling right now?” conversation without agenda builds safety. Over time it makes space for vulnerability, which supports better responses.
Celebrate when they speak from the space between. Recognize when your teen pauses, breathes, and then says something honest rather than reactive. “Hey, I noticed you asked for a break instead of snapping—that was strong.” These acknowledgements reinforce new patterns.
