Authenticity and Trauma: How Can we Stay True To Ourselves When it Feels Unsafe?
Have you every. found yourself not speaking up when you should, regretting not sharing, or even changing your mind later and realizing you weren’t tapped into what you truly want, feel, and believe?
A lack of authenticity can look like not sharing our views and opinions on things, changing the way we dress and present ourselves or even changing the way we behave in certain situations. It can also look like peer pressure, doing something that maybe you wouldn't normally do because the group is doing it, but processing this pattern in trauma therapy can help create change.
These things seem like things we talk about with teenagers or younger people coming of age, but I think even as grown adults we modify ourselves and change ourselves in certain situations to be accepted for protection or to get by in the workplace or other professional situations or social settings.
Now, there are times when we need to put on a professional mask, when we need to make sure that we're behaving in a certain way in order to garner respect or show respect, in order to comply with and follow the rules that are constructed in our social professional environment.
There are also times when maybe we need to speak out or advocate or go against the grain to either protect ourselves or to protect someone else, and it can be challenging at times to do this. Trauma can impact our barometer of what is safe and not safe in terms of being courageous to go against the grain in a variety of ways.
If we grew up in a home where we weren't allowed to express our emotions or dissent, or express an opinion that differed from the status quo of our family culture, you might have learned at a young age that it was easier to placate rather than to “rock the boat” in a situation in which you were dependent on your caretakers for security, for food, and for emotional support .
This lack of safety is pervasive for those who have experienced trauma, and can spill out in social situations because we all, as humans, have an innate desire to belong. And so we might curtail our opinions or change them or even act or dress or behave in certain ways that aren't in alignment with who we are to avoid abandonment. While everyone does this to a certain extent, we call this politeness, or the ability to discern when to share adn when not to share, when to disclose, or when not to speak up. This is all part of the landscape of becoming a socially mature adult.
However, there are times when this desire ot value the relationship above our own voice can be incredibly harmful to us, because when we're repressing who we really are, we feel it in our bodies, and we can end up making decisions that don't align with us. This can get us into some really dangerous situations, or in life circumstances that don’t actually fit our desires, or in a situation in which we allow others to be hurt because we are too fearful to act or stand up for what is right.
Further, it might lead us to people and paths that make us miserable and don't serve our well-being, our meaning and purpose, and our authentic paths and what we're meant to be doing on Earth.
So the following blog shares with you some ways that we can start to overcome this by tapping into what our authentic self, and learn strategies for self-expression, so that we can express who we are to live in more congruent, authentic ways.
Can we acknowledge and give care to the traumatized person who learned people pleasing, not to trust their own voice, or that they needed to concede to others to keep resources etc?
Can we also work to be more deliberate in our communication, acknowledge that not everyone is unsafe?
Can we acknowledge our truth to ourselves even if we cannot acknowledge it to others? Can we honor our truth if it emerges in our bodies in a certain way?
Steps to be Becoming More Intentional about Authenticity:
Ask what am I feeling in my body about x,y,z?
How am I feeling?
How would I like to feel?
Can I take action that could help me achieve this, even if it is scary?
What can I do to boost my courage to take this step?
1. What am I feeling in my body: When we ask ourselves this question, it can clue us in to a trauma response or feelings of comfort and peace or discomfort. Tightness in our shoulders, a racing heart, a queezy stomach can all cluet us in to how we are truly feeling. If you have experienced trauma, or come from a home in which feelings were ignored or dismissed, you might not have practice identifying emotions quickly. Therefore, learning the cues of your body cna help you understand how you feel abotu a certain situation.
2. How am I feeling? Once we have tapped into our body, we can take some time to reflect on how we are feeling. If you struggle to know, journalling or talking through it with a friend, therapist, or trusted person in your life can help you gain clarity. Naming the feeling is the first step toward moving in a direction you desire.
3. How would I like to feel? Now that you understand how you feel about a situation, it’s time to ask yourself how you want to feel. In a situation that pertains to authenticity this might look like wanting to feel understood, seen, heard or know for who you truly are. Or it could be a moral situation in which you want to feel like you helped someone, stood up against injustice or exercised your voice.
4. Can I take action that could help me achieve this, even if it is scary? Now we can ask ourselves what the course of action could be. Again, journaling or asking a support person for help could help us brainstorm the appropriate steps to take. A list of pros and cons of acting and not acting could be helpful in this scenario as well. It is important to ask yourself if it is safe to proceed. Thinking through the situation objectively can help us got out of fight or flight in order to choose an option that we will feel comfortable with in the long term.
5. What can I do to boost my courage to take this step? Do you need a playlist that boosts your mood, an accountability partner, a deadline, or to revise and simply hit send? Thinking through the situation and coming up with a plan to take action can help you build confidence arounf these situations. With time it becomes easier to act and learn to use your authentic voice in a way that works for you.
As adults, we often struggle to stay authentic when life feels hard—but for teens who’ve experienced trauma, that struggle can feel even more intense. Adolescence is already a time of identity exploration, and when trauma enters the picture, it can leave young people feeling silenced or unsure of who they really are. Helping teens rediscover their voice after trauma is not just about communication—it’s about healing, empowerment, and reconnecting with their sense of self. By understanding trauma’s impact on our ability to live authentically, we can give ourselves compassion, and set goals to living more authentically in ways that are safe and serving us. By following the steps above, we can access our unique attributes to contribute to a more authentic presence in our lives.
Helping Teens Find Their Voice After Trauma
When a teenager has experienced trauma, finding and using their authentic voice can feel especially difficult. The effects of trauma often include silencing—whether through fear, shame, or habits of self-protection formed early on. In a trauma-sensitive environment, the following strategies can help youth reclaim their voice and begin speaking from and for their true selves.
1. Recognize the impact of trauma on voice and expression
In the context of trauma, teens may have learned to stifle their thoughts, feelings or opinions in order to preserve safety, connection, or avoid shame. As you note earlier in the blog, trauma “can impact our barometer of what is safe and not safe … in terms of being courageous to go against the grain.” For teens this might mean:
Not speaking up in class or with friends even when they disagree
Adopting a persona that fits in rather than risking vulnerability
Feeling disconnected from their inner truth or authentic preferences
By acknowledging this pattern, parents, caregivers and the teen can begin shifting from “I must keep quiet” to “I have something to say and it matters.”
2. Create a safe space for self-expression
One of the most important steps is ensuring that the teen has a space—emotional and physical—where expression isn’t judged and where they feel heard. For example:
Encourage journaling or creative outlets (art, music, movement) so they can explore their voice without pressure.
Provide consistent, predictable time with a non-judgmental adult or mentor who listens more than interrogates.
If possible, engage in counseling for teens through our clinic Counseling and Nature Therapy Center in Frisco, Texas, which offers trauma-informed therapy and supports adolescents in reconnecting with their authentic selves.
3. Integrate trauma therapy techniques that amplify voice
In professional trauma therapy—such as EMDR or other evidence-based models—the goal often includes helping clients re-learn that they can speak, decide, and act from a sense of agency.
For teens, you might adapt this into age-appropriate practices:
Use a feelings wheel or emotion-chart: “This is what I’m feeling,” “This is what I want to say.”
Role-play or rehearse possibilities: “If I say ‘I need space’ to my friend, what might happen?”
Build incremental courage steps: first raise your hand in class; then ask a question; then share a thought in a group.
Professional trauma therapy sessions can scaffold these efforts safely, helping the teen integrate voice without triggering overwhelm.
4. Anchor to identity and values
Finding one’s voice involves aligning what one says with who one is—and this is especially healing after trauma, when identity may feel fragmented. Encourage the teen to explore:
“Who am I when I’m not just reacting or surviving?”
“What matters to me? What do I stand for?”
This may include writing a personal values statement, identifying role models, or reflecting on times they did speak up and felt proud. Through counseling for teens (especially in a trauma-informed centre in Frisco, Texas) they can explore these questions with guidance.
5. Practice, reflect, and celebrate voice
Voice is a muscle; it strengthens with safe, scaffolded use. Suggest that teens:
Pick a small venue to use their voice (a trusted friend, a journal, a safe group)
Reflect: “How did that feel? What changed?”
Celebrate the step, no matter how small: “I asked a question,” “I told someone how I felt,” “I said ‘No’ when I meant it.”
Trauma therapy frameworks often emphasize tracking growth and noticing changes—not only in behaviour, but in internal experience (calmer body, clearer mind).
6. Support from caregivers and community
Parents and caregivers can nurture a teen’s journey toward voice by:
Validating their attempts: “I saw you say something you felt—how was that?”
Modeling authenticity themselves (speaking their truth, owning mistakes)
Supporting access to professional support: contacting providers in Frisco, Texas specializing in trauma therapy and teen counselling.
Remembering that this is a process: the teen may need repeated reassurance that they can be heard, that what they say matters.
If you need support for how to identify and use your voice, for your teen, or just need a place to process in trauma therapy, learn more at Counseling and Nature Therapy Center. Our Team of licensed therapists is available to support you on your healing journey. If you are ready to book, Contact Us. Our licensed therapists provide in-person and virtual trauma therapy in Frisco, Texas.
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